vacancysign | [TFLN] noya --> asahi

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[TFLN] noya --> asahi

(continuing from here)

I should have asked. It was stupid for me to even... the entire dumb point of this-

[he was getting muddled and flustered, his alcohol infused mind making it hard for him to say what he needed to. but he also didn't want asahi mad at him, because for some reason he felt like he would. and a part of him just wanted to enjoy this closeness and the warmth of asahi's hand on his bare back.

it was so soothing.]

I wanted to send you a sexy pic as soon as gran and my sister left for some girly spa weekend. I'm home alone and thought it would be fun. But... I kept thinking about it and I was getting nervous because my body isn't good enough, not for pictures like... that. But it's what couples do, right? Flirty pictures.

S-So...

I started drinking until I got the courage-

[and it hits him all at once and the realization stings.]

...to like what I saw in the pictures I took for you.

But I just ended up forcing you into something you don't want and I keep doing that. And you're still so warm, and sweet and perfect.

[fingers curling against his shirt. he hated this side of himself, a side he didn't really know he had until lately.]

You deserve so much better than this, Asahi-san.

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[ that's... a lot to process. and he feels flattered and confused and guilty all at once -- which is sort of a confusing soup of emotions to sort through, so. he blinks slowly as nishinoya's rambling trails off, even though the motion of his hand on the other boy's back never stills. ]

... Nishinoya. [ gently, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to the top of the other boy's head. ] First of all, shouldn't I be the one who gets to decide what I deserve? And I pick you. I'd pick you every time that I got the chance.

[ and he's too focused on nishinoya to even fluster about what he's saying -- instead, he just says what's really on his mind, what he really feels. ] ... and, um. As for the other stuff... what would make you think your body isn't good enough? I mean, if you ask me, your body is --

[ ... okay, here's the flustering. ] ... w-well, um... you know. M-More than enough. Way more.

[he finally allows himself to look at him then. he didn't understand asahi sometimes. ...or, a lot of the time. brows furrowing he reaches up to gentle touch asahi's cheek. he missed the first time because his depth perception is a little off, vision slightly blurred.]

...Every time?

[nishinoya never needed reassurance before. always so sure himself and everything he did. but he's never been in a relationship before, never felt himself fall in this way. and he's only time.]

But compared to you... [he hesitates then, fingertips trailing down asahi's neck so he can press his palm against his chest.]

...you're unbelievable. Like, you make my heart and my insides get so hot. I can't explain it- you...

[he makes an exasperated sound.]

You drive me crazy! [ah shit, wrong thing to say.] In a good way. A good way.

Every time.

[ and he wishes he was better at expressing it -- he wishes he could describe that nishinoya's really been the only person he's ever felt this way about, that there's simply no comparison between him and anyone else. sometimes it feels less like a choice than it does a simple matter of gravity, like he's a planet responding to noya's charismatic pull and leeching off the bright warmth of his star. ... but there's no way asahi would get all of that out without hitting some sort of critical mass of embarrassment on the way, and besides --

you drive me crazy ends up making him splutter and blush and completely lose his train of thought. ]

... a-ah, I think I understand. I mean... [ and he presses his own hand on top of the one nishinoya has splayed over his chest, hoping he can make the fluttering of his heart felt that much more clearly. ] ... you drive me crazy, too. In a really good way.

S-So...! That's why... I, um... I feel like I have to be careful?

[every time.

it brought a smile to his lips, at least. the first one since his guilt settled in like a nasty thing deep in the pit of his stomach. he really didn't need to worry, did he? asahi may be a little (okay, a lot) wimpy but he wouldn't put himself into a relationship he didn't like, right?

he tilts his head then, eyes following the movement of asahi's hand before settling where it rests. he can definitely feel the flutters, they match his own.]

...Careful? [testing the word, as if it were new.]

I'm not glass, Asahi-san.

I know!

[ oh god, maybe he's not saying it correctly!!! ]

I just... what I mean is... you're very important to me. And so is -- [ a slightly vague gesture with his free hand, trying to encompass their relationship. ] -- this.

... s-so I want to try as hard as I can not to make any mistakes. [ and oh my god does he try. ] ... I know that's probably impossible for someone like me, but.. I still want to work at it! W-With everything that I have.

...Oh.

[even his dumb drunk brain can understand that, and it's important because... he completely agrees. and what he needed to do was calm himself down, take it a few steps back. for both of their sakes. he wanted this to work out, more than anything.]

...Okay. [nodding his head before he rests against him again.]

But you need to stop over thinking some things, Asahi-san. Have some confidence, okay? I can't... word this properly right now but. We'll make mistakes. But that's what couples do, and we'll probably fight and that's okay too.

I'll do better too. But you gotta promise to go with your feelings more and less... [wait, give him a moment- squirming so he can free his other arm that he was laying on, now clumsily half on top of asahi and half... tangled in his sheets (it's be a rough night, ok?) so he can tap his fingertips along the older boy's forehead.] and less of your brain.

[a pause, and in the utmost seriousness:] You have two heads for a reason, give this one a break sometimes.

... you're probably right.

[ and he can't help but tighten his grip on nishinoya, just a little, and nuzzles down into the top of his head. all his earlier worries seem a little ridiculous now, with noya wrapped comfortably around him like there's nowhere else he'd rather be. ] ... I just... well, um...

I g-guess I'm always a little worried that if... we fight...

[ there's a little bit of a squirm, and part of him feels like backing off completely on the idea of admitting this, but. ] ... it might make you forget what you ever saw in me? In the first place.

... and I'd... [ well. ] ... I really don't want that to happen.

Asahi...

[the admission sobers him up quite a bit, because he wanted to dash that sort of thinking. because he would like to think that no matter how new their romantic relationship was, they were friends before and undeniably close. they were like that from the start.]

I don't want that to happen either.

[he's shifting so he can lay on top of him, something he has taken to doing from time to time. it was comfortable and he liked to look at asahi's face. so he's doing it now.

he was devastatingly handsome, with the kindest eyes nishinoya has ever seen. how someone who could look so intimidating could be the softest person on the planet he would never know, but he wouldn't change him. give him more confidence, yes. have him be a little more assertive? absolutely. but not change him.

...he loved him this way.

so he reaches up to press his palms to his cheeks, smooshing his face.]

Listen. We're gonna fight. We're very different, it's just gonna happen sometimes.

But... let me tell you a thing, Azumane Asahi. You being you, that's what I saw. When I first walked into practice on my first day, and I saw this big guy with long hair and the kindest smile I've ever seen? This strong guy who is so gentle and thoughtful.

That's what I saw. And that's what I like most. I'll never forget it... because that's who you are.

[letting go of his face, fingers moving to pet through asahi's hair the best he could at this angle.]

...Don't worry.

[ ... and all of that is more than asahi knows how to handle.

because, honestly, nishinoya is one of the only people in his life that likes him for who he is -- he pushes him to get better, to improve, but never makes him feel like he needs to step one foot outside the bounds of being himself. nishinoya cups both hands around asahi's heart of glass and protects it instead of trying to beat it into something stronger; he still likes him even though he's shy and wimpy and hopelessly clumsy when it comes to every new stage of their relationship.

nishinoya cut through everything and saw him, and it was (inexplicably) the person he liked the most. ]

I'll try.

[ and nishinoya is getting a ridiculously snug bear hug whether he likes it or not, because asahi can feel happy tears pricking at the corner of his eyes, and he... he can't figure out what he did to deserve this, how he ever got so lucky. it should be wrong to feel this happy when he hasn't done anything to earn it, but... here he is. and here's nishinoya, saying that he plans to stick it out no matter what. ]

I'll try not to worry, I j-just love you so much that I --

[ WAIT WHAT DID HIS GIANT DUMB MOUTH JUST SAY ]

Geh --!!

Oh no...!

[ and now he's letting go of nishinoya just so that he can press both hands to his face and hide, cheeks blazing scarlet. ]

I didn't mean to say it this way! I h-had something all planned out, and...!

[ WHYYYYYY ] I-I'm so sorry! This... th-this wasn't romantic at all!

[he didn't really have the time to react properly, because as soon as he says it he's apologizing and hiding his face. so nishinoya is a little baffled and a little dumbfounded. wasn't... it a good thing to confess? how many ways were there? but asahi had... something planned out?

what does that mean?

well first things first, he is gently scooting up on him so he can pry his hands away from that sweet face.]

...If you wanna do it your prepared way I'm okay with it, Asahi-san. I can wait to say it back.

It would be worth the wait, I think. If you've prepared something.

[he wants to react, to pepper him in kisses and enthusiastically return the sentiment.

but he can wait. this was important, wasn't it?]

[ he's letting the other boy pry his hands away, even though he can still feel his face burning crimson. ]

Y-You... you really don't mind? I-I mean...! I've heard people say that you shouldn't say it too soon, so I...

[ ... flustered rambling. ] ... I w-wanted to plan something that would be really s-special, and...

[ waaaagh. ] It just slipped out!

Asahi-san... [holding his wrists gently, leaning in to press light kisses to his cheeks. he doesn't want to linger in case he smells too strongly of alcohol, he didn't want to gross him out or anything.]

...Just hearing you say it is special, really.

But we can do it your way, okay?

I don't mind at all.

[letting his wrists go so he can rest comfortably against him again.]

...I wanna see this prepared plan of yours. You got me curious.

[ there's no way that a kiss from nishinoya could ever gross him out. ... which is why he stops spluttering (like an idiot) long enough to tip his chin up and catch his mouth in a firmer, lingering kiss. and that settles his nerves a little, at least enough to get him to stop blurting out apologies. when he breaks it off, he lifts a hand to comb his fingers affectionately through the younger boy's hair, pressing another kiss to his forehead. ]

... you know...

[ since it's probably better to change the subject a little before he ends up blurting it out again. ] ... I wouldn't mind if you just called me 'Asahi'.

... I m-mean! Only if you want!

[he melts into that kiss, melting into him. he always liked asahi's kisses, and when they were firm and lingering and less chaste and shy? it made things stir in his gut. but in only the best ways possible. he's smiling into is and resting easier against him.

the fingers in his hair are soothing, and the problems of earlier were just... getting soothed away.]

Asahi.

[grinning. he says it sometimes, but... to just say it like this was nice.]

Of course I want to.

[ immense relief. and he smiles back softly, eyes warm. ]

I'm glad. It sounds...

... um, a little less formal this way, I think.

[ and hopefully it means they'll be mistaken less often for father and son out in public......... . . . ]

[that would be nice. not like it embarrassed him... it annoyed him. he hated being seen as some kid regularly, but when he's on a date and holding asahi's hand and he hears stupid little comments about 'oh look how nice, father and son out together' he wanted to punch them.

he feels a little drowsy, the alcohol starting to really hit him. he felt more alert, but his body felt... slow and heavy.

resting his chin in his hands as he watches him, eyelids drooping just a bit.]

...Next time I should just invite you over when it's lonely and quiet, hm? Instead of trying to seduce you with dumb pictures.

[ he can see the way the alcohol is affecting the other boy -- the droop in his eyelids and the slight slur of his voice -- but he finds it more endearing than anything else. so he goes back to gently rubbing at the nape of noya's neck, massaging the muscles around his spine with gentle circles of his thumb. ]

Th-The pictures weren't dumb! [ flushing... a little... but he feels like it's something he needs to say. ] ... and, um... if you're sure that it's s-something you're comfortable doing...

... I w-wouldn't mind getting more?

[ ... okay, hang on. he's an embarrassing shade of crimson. ]

B-But I... I really like this, too.

[ still embarrassed, but petting nishinoya is soothing, so. he keeps doing that, focusing on the gentle motions of his hand. ] ... so maybe what I'm saying is... y-you should do whichever one you want? Since I like them both.

I... I can take more for you. Knowing you like them makes me like them.

[and he'll be sober the next time, so asahi can concern himself with the content and less about the alcohol. but nishinoya can't complain, the fact that asahi came here because he was worried for him... (i just love you so much) it warmed him to the very core of himself.]

Both. We can do both...

[his smile is lazy, asahi's hand lulling him to such a comfortable place.] You gonna be here in the morning?

Of course.

[ and he can't help but smile at that, voice soft and eyes impossibly warm. ]

I'll stay as long as you'd like me to. [ and then, with just a hint of a tease in his voice: ] It'll be easier to make sure that you drink plenty of water tomorrow this way.

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[TFLN] noya --> asahi

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